Reaching the end.

Monday & Tuesday are the final 2 days of school. Finals were over Friday, but I have to come in Monday for our 2nd graduation rehearsal. Graduation rehearsal was hilarious on Friday. It took forever for Mrs. Moore [ Vice Principal ] to call everyones name to put us in our assigned seats for graduation. There's about 500 seniors; so yeah that shit took like 1 hour to do. I hate Mrs. Moore soo much, words cannot describe how much I despise this lady. She's forever getting on someone for a dresscode violation, & if you talk back to her, she either reacts with a suspension or in-house detention. Pshh, freak that trick ! We went through one complete run through on how it is going to be on graduation, so we got the whole thing down. But no, Mrs. Moore wants to go through the whole thing a second time, like WTF we already know what to do ! So while she starts doing the whole thing over, alot of people decide to leave, including myself. It was 12PM, and we had practice since 10AM, I was definetely not having it, so I left. I came back in though to come get some of my friends because I didn't wanna be outside alone lol, & as im getting them, Mrs. Moore goes " WHO DISMISSED ALL THE STUDENTS ? " ; haha that shit made me laugh, for the simple fact that she didn't realize that everybody left until she put her head up from the list of names she was reading. Haha, she's freakin slow.

My birthday on Thursday was pretty good, I guess. Just the fact that i'm 18; makes it seem like I can do anything. I'm definitely going clubbing alot more often & living my life with my besties. My friend Michelle bought me a 5LB bag of Swedish fish, LOL; she knows that i'm addicted to those candies; she knows how to get to my heart ! My other friend Tatiana, brought me Iced coffee & a bagel from Dunkin' Donuts, which also got to my heart lol, along with $20; which I tried giving back to her but she refused. & Valerie is planning something for me next weekend after graduation, maybe NYC ? IDK. My boo [ HIM ]; lol i'm sick of calling him " him "; but I don't wanna say his name because I don't want any of his groupies to know that i'm talking about him, but he's on my top on myspace ! If you're my friend, I suggest you go check who this "him" really is ! But yeah, he gave me a hug, & said he couldn't get me anything for my b-day because he's broke; which I really could care less because the only gift he could possibly give me is himself, lol. Ah, he just gets to my heart everytime I talk to him or see him, even though we argue like a married couple. I still love him muchos !

I basically spent my b-day with Danilda, & it was straight; didn't do much, I just love being with her, we would always do something stupid or talk about some shit going on in our lives. She said that she was gonna pay for my tongue piercing, & I really want it, but i'm super scared. I also want a lip piercing, with the ring, omg I think those are soo cute, so i'm stuck between a tongue piercing, or a lip piercing. IDK.

I'm also supposed to get a tattoo with "him" ; on my wrist of a nautical star in purple & black, but i'm having major doubts of even getting it, because me & him argue constantly, & im always crying over him. I don't want any regrets, so I might just wait for a little while until I get this one, I want to be 100% sure that I want to put him on my wrist forever. IDK.

I need to start talking to people & start going to the clubs & messing with people, because ever since i've got stuck on him, I completely cut off that lifestyle of meeting new guys & being with them. I think it's time to finally get back out there, just like my social worker says.

Hmmm, I think that's about it that happened in my life so far, nothing more. Well I guess I can put this in. I've been making layouts on my MySpace, & deleting them like 5 minutes after putting it on my page, IDK why I do that ? because I work soo freaking hard on my graphics, & I always remain unsatisfied with myself. I think I expect too much from myself, always looking for perfection in my designing. I don't even have a passion for graphic design, but i'm gonna pursue it as a side career since I know I can make alot of money from it. My heart belongs on the dancefloor & in the television screen. That's where my true passion belongs.

Finally opened my eyes. PT 1 / Last Day Of School PT 2

PT. 1 THIS IS BECAUSE OF * HIM *


Who would have thought that the boy that you've fallen completely in love with was the person that doesn't wanna be with you ? Well he never told me that he didn't wanna be with me, but he seems to dodge it everytime i confront him about it. I'm just sick & tired of crying & putting him before anything. I put my heart out for him, everything I did was for him. My friends warned me not to do it, but I didn't listen & did it anyways, & in the end he ended up leaving my heart behind & taking someone elses. Why is it that he always see's the good in other people but doesn't see it in me ? He ends up getting hurt in the end, & im still here standing by him dying inside, but strong enough to help him through it. Where will he ever find another friend like me ? Someone who is soo in love with him, but yet still tries to help out his relationships with others ? I feel like I was the only person there for him.

We had an argument today around 9PM; & when i looked at the timestamp, our argument ended at 11PM. 2 straight hours with us just going at it; didnt solve ANYTHING at all, & still isn't solved. I'm gonna confront him tommorow, I can't go on with this tension between us. Me & him argue like once or twice a month, but it was never serious til now. This is the biggest argument we've ever had, & I feel like i'm losing him as a friend, but maybe we can surpass all this & just move on ?

I don't know though, I never felt this way about anyone ever in my life, he's truly one of a kind & he's a fuckin confusing person, but I love him. I guess you can call him my enemy, so basically, I fell in love with the enemy ...




PT. 2

Today was the last day of school, & it went pretty good until 6th & 7th period. We take out 6 & 7 exams before 1 -5; IDK why, but we do, so that means today was our final day in 6 & 7th. My friend sophia wrote in my yearbook and i read it in 6th; and i started crying reading it halfway; and the whole class gave me a hug. I truly will miss that class, sewing my jeans in there, & making clothes; wow that was a fun year in there. & then 7th period was chorus, the drama-filled class with me & * HIM *. He signed my yearbook at the end, but i guess he didnt finish because the bell rang, but when i was walking to my bus at the end i read it and started crying soo bad. On the bus, Amaris came & held me because i was crying sooo baddd. Realizing that i'm not ever gonna be in school with him ever again hurt me like hell. Obviously i fckin hate him right now though ( if you read Pt. 1 ); but damn ... i sure will miss his sexy self lol; but more than that, just to be with him & talk about dumb things...


WELLL this was my day today; i didnt explain EVERYTHING that happened, but you sure do get the point...

The end of the very beginning.

Well, there's alot of things happening this month, the month where everything in my life will possibly change. June 11th I turn 18; i'm excited to finally be legal, but then again, it means making decisions, college, planning my future out, paying bills, and learning to become independent & not count on my parents to do it for me.

June 16th, I graduate high school, the school that has changed my life. Fate put me into that school, i've met some of the most amazing people in my life there. I originally was supposed to go to an Arts Magnet school but didn't get accepted, & i'm happy I didn't. These past 4 years being an " Eagles " student has been such a rollercoaster ride. Tears, laughter, pain, & love; the fights, the drama, the friends, the pranks, & the annoying teachers. This place i've hated coming to everyday; couldn't wait for the dismissal bell, & the stupid dress code; ugh I hated that. I never thought i'd say this, but i'm really going to miss that place, waking up at 5:30AM getting ready for school, to be in homeroom by 7:20AM; & going thru the day not paying attention in class & just gossiping about things, & falling in love with someone. All my underclassmen & future seniors; you are the most amazing people ever, keep your head up & cherish every single moment of your senior year because if you don't; it won't hit you until your about to graduate.

Yearbook signing was pretty difficult to go through, soo many times I felt like crying, & I did once with my bestie Valerie. Realizing that we won't be seeing anyone anymore, all going away to college & going seperate pathways, it hurts like hell, but that's life. People walk in & out of your life; & somehow, you have to deal with it & manage.

Plans after high school ? I start college August 26th, & I pray that it will bring me a step closer to achievement, I don't want to be a failure in life ... I want to prove my family, friends, & HIM ♥